Well, that's upsetting
by TillThatTime
Summary: Couldn't quite fit the summary, so come inside and see what I have to offer....come little minions, come...muwhahaha...are you coming?.....I have cookies....also I like reviews...they're all cool and stuff.......
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: So Here's the deal…I don't actually own the characters of The Chronicles of Narnia….Waits for shocked gasps …….I know, it shocked me too……so don't sue me, I am but a humble writer under the watchful eyes of C.S. Lewis….ahemmm…..moving on…..

**Synopsis**: ok, so everyone's seen those stories where a new girl comes to Narnia and she is skillful with a sword and is elegant and all that 'perfect' crap and she falls head over heals in love with Peter in like the first chapter? Yeah yall know what I'm talking about………Well yes, my girl Paige does end up coming into Narnia but that is where the similarities stop. She is completely unorthodox, absolute shit with a sword, slightly insane and a little clumsy …..and not to mention she can not stand Peter and he can not stand her. However, everyone one knows how that ol' sayin goes….enemies always make the best lovers! So read…I command it!……please…….

**A/N**: ok let me straighten a few things out before some people get on my case about it…….Paige is a present time girl… I don't know how that works, I don't pretend to know how that works….she just is…so kindly don't blame me for my own stupidity…….also, the descriptions aren't that great in the first chapter I am waiting to do that in the second chapter ………….yes there is cussing in this chapter and some people might not believe that there golden boy Peter would utter such obscenities but alas……he does…other than that…..please review…criticism is great… and flames are absolutely frickin hilarious…so I can take what you have to dish out and if I can't….hell, there is always therapy! Much love! Read on!

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"Oh, God……..Oh God!" Were seemingly the only coherent words that would issue from the mouth of the extremely confused Paige Jenkins. This wasn't right. This whole situation was anything but right! For the love of God where was she? "That's the last time I try to hide in _that_ closet!" She grumbled to herself and she continued to grumble such phrases as she looked around her new and extremely not closet- like location. As she took in her surroundings she noticed the numerous treescircling her, the glistening brook beside her and the vast clear sky above. Definitely not closet-like. "Oh God…" she said yet another time. 

By this time Paige felt a little like crying and since she always followed her feelings she did just that. She promptly sat on the ground and began to sob out her woes to her heartscontent until finally that little voice in her head began to kick into annoying overdrive. _Get up Paige and stop acting like a child, you need to figure this out. _"Oh shut it! What do you know about it!" Great! Just great, now she was talking to herself like a ninny, bloody brilliant! So deciding to listen to the more logical side of herself and absolutely refusing to believe that she was indeed a lunatic she got to her feet and began to pace.

"Now there is a totally logical explanation for all this…..like how bout…I'm dreaming! That's it I'm in some terrible nightmare, where there are lovely trees, a warm breeze and a pretty blue sky- oh shut up Paige!"

Dreaming! Of course! It was such a simple answer. Now all she had to do was to wake up…but how to go about doing that? She began to pace once more until a brilliant idea came to mind. "I've got it!" and with that she promptly smacked her head against a tree.

After a few moments of lying on the ground she rubbed her throbbing temple and sat up "Ow, that hurt……that hurt?….oh dammit!" So that meant that she wasn't in fact dreaming. "Well this sucks…" she pouted folding her arms over her chest. She sat in that position for several minutes going over her options. She could, A, get up and try to find a way out of this God forsaken place or B, sit here crying until she inevitably starved to death. Though crying some more did have an appealing side, she wasn't really in the mood to die. So she got to her feet and dusted off her pants before traveling further into the land that she would later come to know as Narnia.

LATER THAT DAY

She had been walking for a couple of hours with no luck at finding a way out but really that wasn't bothering her as much as it did in the beginning. This place wasn't really all that bad. In fact it was quite lovely really. Why, with its full trees, rich, green grass, beautiful lilacs and daisies, handsome boy sitting under a tree asleep….wait, what the hell! Unbeknownst to the entranced girl she had accidentally stumbled upon a young man sitting under a maple tree with a book in his lap and a little drool running down his chin. Her instincts went into full over drive and she jumped behind a tree to hide herself from the otherwise incoherent man.

The rustling she made as she flew behind the tree woke the man who had been in a deep slumber (well not so deep if he could be awoken by some leaves rustling) and without even taking the slightest second to rub the sleep from his eyes he jumped to his feet and pulled out a long sword from the sheath around his belt. "Who's there" _oh lord what to do? What to do?_ Paige began to wring her hands. This definitely wasn't good. Honestly, who carried a sword around with them nowadays anyways? _What a freak! He's probably some homicidal rapist who likes to prey on girls just like me! _(Funny thing about imagination really, if you let it run away with you it can turn you into a bloody idiot!) as if he could hear her the young man spoke again mustering the bravest voice he could " You had better show yourself, or you will regret it." _nice threat, dumb ass_ Paige thought to herself. _Ok best thing to do is just walk away from this situation all together. _Setting one foot in front of the other she began to creep away from the alert man. However no sooner had she begun to walk away that the young man jumped right in front of her creeping form blocking her path of escape.

"Ha! Gotcha!" He cried in triumph. _We'll see about that!_ in a moment of sheer panic Paige grabbed the nearest object to her (that being an apple dangling from a branch by her head) and chucked it at his head. Paige, having the bad aim that she did, of course missed terribly and hit his shoulder instead, but it did the trick anyway and the man clutched at his shoulder in surprise and dropped his sword in the process.

"Hey! What did you do that for?" In response Paige threw yet another apple at him. "Stop! That hurts!" Deciding to ignore his pleas of stop Paige continued to pelt the poor man with the seemingly never ending supply of apples. Until finally having had enough the man reached out and grabbed her wrists halting anymore apple throwing for the time being.

"I demand you let go of me at once!"

" Well _I _demand you stop throwing damned apples or I'll-"

In the middle of his warning Paige bent down and bit his fingers as hard as she could. The man cried out and immediately and let go of her wrists.

"Are you completely insane, lady!" He shouted as Paige began reaching for yet another apple. "Wait! No, stop, no more apples….please….I promise I wont hurt you." He said in the best calming voice he had, but remember that whole thing about imagination running away with you…..

"Oh right, like I am going to listen to a rapist!"

"A rapist? What! You are loony aren't you." Paige gave him a look of indignity and he took this time to take in her appearance. " And why are you dressed so strangely?" Paige looked down at her red converse, black jeans, red and black laced tank and black tie, she shrugged. "And what the hell is wrong with your hair?" True, she did have short,shag black hair with bright red highlights but what the hell was wrong with that!

"What do you mean I'm dressed funny? _You're _the one with the damned crown! What are you some kind of king?"

"High King to be exact." He replied shortly expecting her to come to her senses and realize just who she was pelting with apples. Instead she gave out a very unladylike snort and proceeded to laugh. It was the High King's turn to look indignant.

"And……_I'm…… _crazy!" She said between gasps of air. The tears of laughter clouded her vision so she didn't see the apple soaring at her until it hit her square in the gut. She immediately stopped laughing. She looked up to see that the man held a smug look on his face. With a cry like a warriors she lunged at the unsuspecting king and they both toppled to the forest floor in a fit of insults and curses.

" You insufferable little-"

"I'm insufferable! Lets not forget who threw the first apple!"

"Oh, shut up!"

"Don't tell me to shut up! Do you have any idea who you are talking to?"

" The king of totally-fucked-up land! Oomph! You are completely bonkers!"

"I'm bonkers? I'M BONKERS? I'm not the one dressed like a whore with a haircut like a man!"

Instead of saying anything back to this Paige just screamed in outrage and began to pound his chest with her fists. Now by this time both had realized that they had descended back into second grade, but upon realizing this they also realized that they really didn't care. They were far too pissed off at the other to be concerned with what was mature and what was childish. So the insults continued.

"Crazy bitch!"

"Oh? Why is you sword so big almighty king? Compensating for something?"

"Loathsome cow!"

" Cow? Is that the best you got your majesty!"

"Just call it like I see it!"

"I despise you!

"Trust me when I say the feeling is mutual m'lady."

Just as Paige was contemplating on whether or not to reach up and bite his nose, she heard a howling in the distance and both of them stopped struggling immediately. "What was that?" Paige inquired, and it took her a good ten seconds to realize that she was clinging for dear life to the man that not a minute before she had been seriously close to biting.

"Could you kindly let go of me, m'lady?" The king asked with amusement dancing in his voice. Paige immediately let go and the man stood up and brushed the leaves off his sapphire robes. That's when they heard it again, except closer this time. His expression turned quite serious then.

"We need to go…..come with me."

"What? I'm not going anywhere with you!" Paige said defiantly as she too stood up. The king just rolled his eyes and whistled and a horse emerged from the distance. When it reached them the man prepared to mount the white stallion (gotta love cliché) when they heard the howling once more, too close for comfort.

"You know on second thought maybe I will come with you." The man smirked as she said this and Paige decided to add. "Besides, I don't know about a pack of wolfs, but if it is just you and I, I do believe I can take you." He just glared at her then and offered absolutely no help as she struggled, to his delight, to mount the horse.

Finally when they were both settled atop the stallion they set off through the trees. "By the way, what is your name m'lady?"

"Paige Jenkins….and I am not your lady! And yours, High King?"

"Peter Pevensie"

"Well I would say that it was a pleasure Peter Pevensie but my mother used to wash my mouth out for lying."

"Well Lady Paige, you are quite full of-"

"Pip?" Paige offered, cutting him off.

"Well I was going to go with something a little less cheery but I suppose pip will suffice. So where are you from, Pip?"

"London." Paige answered shrewdly and then added "And don't call me Pip!"

"Whatever you say Lady Pip." he said snickering down at her. She rolled her eyes, and decided to ignore the remark all together except for digging her nails deeper into his sides as she hung onto him.

"So what's her name?" she asked referring to the horse.

"My name is Andrew." Said a voice that didn't belong to Peter but rather the horse itself. In response to this Paige took this as a lovely opportunity to faint.


	2. Cair Paravel and Biting Introductions

**Disclaimer**: So Here's the deal…I don't actually own the characters of The Chronicles of Narnia….Waits for shocked gasps …….I know, it shocked me too……so don't sue me, I am but a humble writer under the watchful eyes of C.S. Lewis….ahemmm…..moving on…..

A/N: Ok I just have to say special thanks to my two viewers, they made my day! So, metaphorical hugs and Kisses all around

**Hadrianna**: Thank you so much! I don't really know much about anime so I don't know how I ended up writing like it, but a lot of people like anime, so hell, can't complain! Also, thanks for liking my character Paige I tried to make her different from regular characters…you know…not as perfect and a little rough around the edges.. Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read and review!

**Hamish27**: Thank you for thinking it was funny, I try…trust me I try!……and just because you asked nicely I will write more chapters….and also you get a huge smile from me for being my first reviewer! Much Love!

Now on to chapter two:

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**Cair Paravel and Biting Introductions.**

After about ten minutes Paige began to come around again. Peter noticed that Paige, who was still on the fact that the damn horse could talk, was looking around her as if the whole place had just sprung out in a wild wave of herpes. So he decided to ignore this factor and started pounding her with questions instead. "not to seem rude or anything…" Paige snorted at this. "But what in the hell are you doing here anyways?"

Paige pursed her lips at this before deciding that the truth was probably the best bet. "Well, I was staying at my cousin's estate for the duration of the summer and I was unfortunately forced into playing hide n' seek with his six year old twin daughters and eight year old son, nasty bunch that lot, and I decided to hide in a wardrobe in one of the spare rooms. However, the more I started to back into the closet the more it wasn't a closet at all. When I saw this place I blacked out and when I came to I couldn't find my way back again." Upon seeing the strange look set upon Peter's features Paige added. "And if you dare try and call me crazy I am going to shove that bloody crown right up your-"

"I don't think you're crazy. " Peter said sincerely. Something seemed to jog in his memory as Paige told her story but he couldn't quite place a finger on it. Peter quickly brushed the feeling aside for a later thought. "Actually, I take that back, I _do _think you are crazy but I believe you."

"Why you little-"

"Oh let's not start that again shall we, Pip." Amusement danced in his voice as he heard Paige's frustrated growl.

"You're the one who started it, moron." Paige said in a huff.

"Oh, back to five years old are we?"

"Oh, please it isn't very hard to see who is the mature one in this outfit." At the state of things one would probably guess the horse.

"How old are you anyways…14?" Peter asked, obviously trying to jab at her.

"I am seventeen you nitwit!"

"Well I am eighteen and as your elder I demand you keep quiet." She looked up at him as if to say 'you'd better die right now because the devil is going to appear like a goddamn saint compared to what I am about to do to you.' Peter was barely containing his laughter at this point.

"Like hell I will…..where are we going anyways?"

"My God you like to jump from topic to topic, don't you?"

"Well I am afraid that if we stay talking on one subject for too long, one of us is going to end up injured and I am willing to bet that it would be you. So really, I am doing you a favor."

"Well, you're pleasant." Peter said sarcastically. "We are going to Cair Paravel that is where I live with my brother and sisters."

Paige's face broke into one of mock terror. "there are more of you…oh Jesus, they aren't all like you are they?" She asked. Paige was surprised when Peter just laughed at this.

"No they aren't like me at all. My youngest sister, Lucy, is wild and energetic, we sort of view her as…well, the heart of the group. My other sister, Susan, is wise and extremely logical and sometimes a little too stubborn for her own good, but she's gentle and kind. My younger brother Edmund, is quiet and sometimes drawn in, but he is brave and he has a good heart." Paige listened to him in awed silence as he described his siblings to her. She noticed that when he spoke of them his features just lit up and she could tell that to him the world wouldn't matter without them. It was the first thing Paige ever liked about the High King, but of course Paige wasn't going to let that show to him.

"Well then what the hell happened with you?" Peter just glared at her then but she could see that a small smile was tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Oh just close that trap of yours, Pip, we will be there in about thirty minutes."

"For the love of God, do not call me Pip!" and so they rode on in silence. Paige hoped that they would be arriving soon because she was beginning to get a little riding sick from the bumping of the horse named Andrew. After a while Paige began to get slightly bored in her surroundings. After all it wasn't the most interesting of paths in Narnia. Quite dull really……….it seemed to be a repeat of the same scenery over and over again…….grass…grass…grass…grass…..hey, look a rock!….grass…grass….grass.

Paige was about to dose off when the most beautiful sight that she had ever laid eyes upon came into her view. It was a castle, but not like the ones you read about in fairytale books with the mote and the draw bridge. No, this castle was spectacular, with it's pointed towers that sparkled in the sun like crystal. There were plants and trees and vines surrounding and growing up the walls of the structure. There were huge glass painted windows that held scenes of beauty and bravery and so much more. 'Beauty' did not do this place justice. It was magnificent! So, this was Cair Paravel.

"You know I think I may be starting to believe you about this whole 'king' thing."

"I thought you would…..and close your mouth. It is quite unbecoming." Paige closed her mouth with a little grumble. Peter rode up to the gates and dismounted the horse. As Paige began to climb off as well, Peter put his hands up to help her down.

"Get your hands off me! I can do it myself. I don't need your help!" THUD! Just as Paige got the word 'help' out her foot got caught on God knows what and she toppled to the cobbled stone floor landing quite painfully on her arse.

"I can see that!" Peter managed to get out before doubling over in laughter.

"Oh why don't you go jump off something…preferably something tall!"

"Ladies first."

At that Paige swung her foot around quickly catching Peter on the legs and causing him to fall to the ground in a position not so unlike her own. Both were caught in an intense staring death match before three certain siblings stumbled upon them.

"What on earth is going on?" Demanded the voice that belonged to Susan Pevensie. Peter immediately scrambled to his feet, refusing to offer any help to Paige.

"This is Paige…Paige….."

"Jenkins, you idiot!"

"Quiet you!…..This is Paige Jenkins." His three siblings just continued to stare at him.

"Well…why did you bring her here and what is she doing on the ground?" Edmund inquired looking over to the girl who was indeed still sprawled out on the ground.

"Well we were in the middle of…err, something…and we heard the wolves so I brought her here. To keep her safe…"

"Oh, my hero….." Paige cried sarcastically.

"Good God would you shut up."

"Quiet both of you." Came the resounding voice of the youngest Pevensie. Both quit talking immediately. "Now Peter are you going to introduce us to your new friend."

"Friend my arse…" he straighten up at the look Lucy gave him. "Paige this is Queen Lucy The Valiant, Queen Susan the Gentle, King Edmund The Just and I'm King Peter the Magnificent."

"Laying it on a little thicker than usual aren't you Peter?" Edmund side with a slight grin.

"Well King Peter The Wanker…I mean Magnificent….I'm Queen Paige The-Person-Who-Needs-To-Get-The-Bloody-Hell-Out-Of-Here. So, if you all don't mind I am going to try to find a way home."

"Oh nonsense Lady Paige, you are going to stay with us!" Lucy said shortly.

"What?" Paige and Peter said in unison.

"That's a great idea Lucy! You are going to stay in one of our spare rooms." Susan said cheerfully while Edmund and Lucy nodded in agreement.

"No!" Peter and Paige said once again in unison.

"Yes!" Lucy, Edmund and Lucy said at once.

"Look I don't think this is a good idea-" Paige began but was cut off by Edmund holding up a hand.

"Look it is dangerous out there by yourself, plus, it is already dark….so just stay here tonight and we will work this out in the morning." At this Peter started to walk off towards his bed chambers.

"Where are you going, Peter?" Lucy asked her brother.

"To my bedroom…to hang myself….."

"Well that's the smartest thing you've said all day!" Paige called after him before setting off in the opposite direction. The words "bitch!" and "bastard!" could be heard ringing in the corridors as the three siblings were left standing in the hallway, grinning at each other


	3. Don't be rude

Disclaimer: Don't own...sniffles

A/N: It's been awhile...so sue me.

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**DON'T BE RUDE**

Edmund, Susan and Lucy just stood in silence for a moment, looking off in the direction that Paige had gone before Edmund turned to his two sisters and said in a matter-of-factly tone, "How long do you think it will be before she realizes that she has no idea where she is going?"

"Oh, I give her at least another ten minutes." Lucy answered after some consideration.

"She's quite a... err, temperamental girl, wouldn't you say?" Susan said, cocking her head to the side and looking off in the direction that Paige had stormed off once more.

"Well, she has had to put up with Peter, or as she likes to call him 'Peter The Wanker', all day."

"Ed!" Susan scolded, but she couldn't help but snicker. "Oh, I guess you're right."

"Well then, should we go after her or what?" Lucy questioned. The three siblings thought for a moment before reaching a conclusion.

"Nah."

"I'm sure _someone else_ will help her out." Susan said, with a hint of mischief in her voice.

"Do you have any idea whom, dear sister?" Lucy asked, acting as innocent as possible.

"Perhaps." Susan answered shortly, and with that the three headed off to their own bedchambers.

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Paige was lost...again, but she really shouldn't have been surprised. What a bloody brilliant idea it had been to go tramping off in a place she didn't know. Not to mention a _huge_ place that she didn't know. _'Ok the best thing to do is just call for help.'_ She concluded. 

"Hey! Listen up! As much as this pains me to say...I am LOST! Someone showing up to help me would be a lovely prospect!" She bellowed as she cupped her hands around her mouth. Her voice rang off the walls of the enormous hallway into a hundred different little Paige voices.

"Whoa..." She said, temporarily amazed. She toyed with the idea of having a conversation with her echo, but then she saw something glimmer in the corner of her eye and she turned her head to see a vase sitting on an oak bureau. It had intricate designs of red and gold intertwining to form elaborate patterns. It was amazing! Paige stepped forward and reached her hand out cautiously to brush her fingers against it's smooth surface, but right before she reached it, a voice from directly behind her, startled her from her transfixion.

"You know it's considered rude to touch things that do not belong to you." Paige nearly jumped out of her skin, and if it was at all possible, she probably would of. She turned sharply around to face Peter Pevensie.

"Creep! God don't you dare ever do that again!" She screamed at him in fury. By this time, Peter was doubled over with laughter. Paige folded her arms across her chest and glared icily at him. "I thought you were ending my misery and hanging yourself." She said haughtily.

"I was, but I couldn't do it with all this shouting going on. Good God woman, you sounded like a banshee." Peter teased and Paige scowled. "What's the matter with you anyways? Are you lost?" Peter was having a hard time control the smirk that was threatening to form.

"No, I'm baking a damn hamster!" Paige said through gritted teeth.

"Hamster isn't really that great. However goat is superb... You should try goat." Peter suggested with a grin. Paige let out a cry of exasperation and pushed him out of her way.

"Don't worry about it, I'll find my own way."

"I'm sure you will." Peter said, and for a moment she thought that he was actually giving her some credit, but then he added, "In a couple of weeks."

Paige through her hands up in the air in surrender. "Fine! Are you just going to stand there all day or are you going to help me out?"

"Only if you ask nicely." Peter said, folding his arms across his chest.

"No!" Paige answered back stubbornly.

"Fine." Peter replied shortly and began to walk away.

"No, wait...will you please help me?" Paige mumbled

"What was that?" Peter asked, mockingly cupping his hand over his ear.

"Will you please help me, Peter!" Paige nearly screamed it at him.

"Peter what?"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." Paige said in disbelief.

"Peter...what?" He repeated.

"...King Peter." She answered grudgingly. Normally, Peter hated it when he was referred to by his title but this was just too good to pass up.

"That's better." And with that he walked three feet passed her and opened a door to his left.

Paige's mouth was now hanging open. "You mean it was there the whole time?"

"The whole time." Peter repeated, then he said, after she had passed him and was now in her room, "We have breakfast every morning at seven o'clock sharp."

"Seven a.m.?" Paige wasn't even sure if seven in the morning existed. _Oh, hell no..._

"I don't think I'll be able to make it." She told him.

"Oh, yes you will. It would be rude for the guest not to show for breakfast."

"But what if I get lost again?" Paige questioned.

"Not my problem." He concluded, shrugging his shoulders.

"Have I told you lately that I really don't like you?"

"On numerous occasions, I believe. Good night, Pip" He said, shutting the door in her face in the middle of her shouting, "Don't call me, Pip!"

God, she really couldn't stand him.


End file.
